Anonymous asked:
instructor144 answered:
You have a meta talk and you explain that a safeword is sacrosanct in every aspect of a D/s relationship. The idea that a safeword can’t be used during punishment is a toxic, bullshit misconception that is far too common.
So, inflicting pain onto someone after they have attempted to revoke consent is abuse and I would recommend stepping back and considering if you really want to submit to a man who knew you wanted to revoke consent but did not care. There is nothing Dominant to me about a person who doesn’t care about your consent or wellbeing, and wellbeing absolutely is emotional and physical not just physical.
But also…I don’t understand why it is so common for people to believe that you can’t safeword during a punishment. Or why some even believe that if you didn’t try to safeword than a punishment wasn’t effective.
To me, it just shows an INCREDIBLE lack of understanding of how submissive hearts work. We want to please our Dominants. It crushes us when we fall short or make you unhappy. You do not have to traumatize us by inflicting something we cannot consent to, in order to get our attention.
If I’ve stepped out of line even a little bit, and my Dom sighs, or takes a deep breath before speaking to me, or tells me to ‘come here’ even if he’s just going to talk to me about what I did, or if he changes the tone of his voice a little bit lower or slower or more serious THAT gets my attention. Yes, punishment is unpleasant so that it works as a disincentive, but like 75% of a ‘punishment’ is just knowing that I have displeased him and not feeling like a good girl. The spanking or the corner time or whatever it is, is largely to cleanse my guilt, it is not that 100% of the motivation for behaving in the future comes from the consequence he doles out. Those negative feelings of ‘Oh shit, he isn’t happy with me. I agreed not to do this anymore.’ or ‘Oh, I let my emotions take over. He doesn’t deserve to be spoken to like that. I disrespected him.’ those sinking feelings in my chest or gut are just there naturally anytime I have displeased him and that is where most of the motivation to do better in the future comes from.
I just think it’s scary to submit to someone who doesn’t understand how powerful our need to please them is because it highlights how powerful their impact on us can be.
Once again, @amysubmits knocks it out of the park.
Opinion:
I don’t care what you saw in some dumb ass movie or read in some terribly inaccurate book. BDSM is basically the Mr. Potato Head of kink/relationships/dynamics/lifestyles. You don’t have to be shoved into a particular group and be told that’s where you’re supposed to be.
You can belong to a mix of all kinds of different kinks and lifestyles. We are all unique with unique wants, desires, and needs. Don’t let someone tell you what you’re supposed to be. As long as you keep everything Safe, Sane, and Consensual, do whatever works for you or for you and your partner.
Mindsets and your headspace can change and that’s part of being human. You do not need to try and conform to a perceived “textbook” way of doing things. Are there some methods and ways of doing things that most can all agree upon? Of course, but those usually relate to remaining mentally healthy and emotionally/physically safe.
Like life and human nature itself, BDSM is fluid. It is adaptable and flexible. It is all of the things you need it to be. It is there to both promote and accommodate personal growth. You don’t have to be strict and a suit wearing 24/7 Master/slave to enjoy the wonderful bounties of D/s and BDSM in general. Stop looking to terrible movies, books, and porn to develop your perception of BDSM.
This isn’t just about sex, it’s about growing together and working towards the betterment of each other and oneself. It’s about commitment, communication, reassurance, respect, trust, effort, and a deep caring for one another.
Too often BDSM is the scapegoat to justify emotional, physical, and spiritual abuse. Too often BDSM is falsely misconstrued into some dark and depraved form of “50 Shades” ball of bull shit. Knowledge is out there and you should always endeavor to seek it and maintain it. The education doesn’t and shouldn’t ever end. It’s guidance and leadership. It’s partnerships and building your self worth and value.
All of you fake ass posers/abusers/fuckbois(gals) take notice, this is a community that looks after one another. You will be found out and exposed. You will not continue to soil the beauty of what BDSM truly is.
All of those new to the community, welcome! There’s a lot of new and exciting information to learn and absorb. Don’t worry about not knowing where to start at first. Don’t worry about feeling like there’s too much to try and take in. This is a long journey and not a pottery class at the community center. It takes time and the learning never ends. Speak and seek what you wish to know. Get your information from multiple sources. Learn the science and psychology behind it. Don’t get disheartened if you don’t feel you belong to one specific group because we’re all a bunch of groups that make up this incredible community. You do belong and you will find your place and chances are you’ll see yourself changing as you go. You are welcome and we are here to try and help you on your journey.
— Sir Daddy
Reblog this please, for the good of everybody.
